I grew up in Los Angeles, mostly east of it. I drove to the ocean just to park and walk a lot. The bus and metro transits are what started my love for art. Having the internet at the start of highschool was my secret escape. By age 16 I had met a lot of street artist, gone to a variety of music shows, and had created an alias for myself in the virtual myspace world. As young as I was I always kept wishing for my own “privacy and world” . I remember being thrilled of one day living on my own and being a mom. The other half of me just started my art dreams and hopes. The inner me just wanted to have my own space to create and give love through cooking, affection, and creating a family. My first job was food, my second was elementary school settings, and my third was teaching art while finally had become pregnant by age 24. At 25 we left the city and everyone we knew and moved two hours away to a rural community. Never even knew where I was going to live as I was always being surprised and my free flow way of being I just naturally adapted to the situation and became positive about our move as my baby boy was only a year old. My inner child also healed a lot in this space. Now 6 years have gone by and at times it feels new but then again I realize it’s officially time to truly call this space home. I could officially consider myself a valley girl. My body, mind , and soul are now a part of this town and I never want to live in the city ever again. I understand why the universe placed us here and even when the world was against our choice I now understand my abilities and power’s I never knew existed. The schorching heat, the golden dust , and pink sunsets over rides the lonely times, silence , and no visitors coming over. Surely I can tell myself now not everyone is meant to survive in the desert unless your willing to quench your thirst through tears of being deserted yet knowing the creator made it perfectly bright and dark at night to sing your own victory and declare yourself ready for any war.
In 2020 late April I had the biggest revelations of my life. For one week I was placed in a strange trance. It felt as if for 4 days straight I was not in this world or reality itself. I blamed smoking canabis , drinking caffeine, lack of sleep. As I was holding on tightly to my sanity while still attending to my responsibilities I honestly needed to reach out to my son’s dad. He took the time off from his work for even he had never seen me behave this way. In that week I started to experience a loud clear voice in my mind. I herd sudden insights about what was going to happen to the world, what to do, and about twice reality shifting just like when you are hallucinating but I was completely sober. That scared me so much that all I did was cry. I cried so much in those days because I was terrified of what was happening to me I wanted it to stop and it did. After that I haven’t been fully the same and I can’t seem to speak about this without being looked at strange by my own family members, or friends. I’ve become really closed off since. Yet I still managed to keep my public image on social media I pretend everything was fine after those days. I was in such a trance I had to write down what I herd in my mind as a loud voice. When I was weeping and telling my son’s dad to make it stop unfortunately he felt more scared than I did and could only hear me out . In late 2020 I had to delete my social media as I needed to take care of my mental health. By 2021 may 4th I had my first therapy session. Thankfully I had gotten the chance to speak to a amazing older male doctor who didn’t fix anything but somehow understood and believed what had happened to me and told me I would be okay. He couldn’t confirm what I was hearing was true or real but he made sense of my experience. After that unfortunately everyone I was close to didn’t see me the same anymore but I’m thankful for that scary experience. I realize I can help others who suddenly go through something surreal, strange , and out of this normal world and not be put on medication or ridiculed as unstable especially mothers. To this day there is no label to what exactly happened to my reality for 4 days. There are still days where I keep thinking about it but it’s time to move forward and pray it never happens again. My intuition has doubled since but I guess it’s some type of gift now, that’s the best positive way to answer my doubts. I no longer intake cannabis as of 2021, and I quit alcohol right before COVID started. I had surgery in late January,2020 and that had already made me change my eating habits and I somehow got disgusted with the smell of alcohol. I’m happy of this two year transit or whatever I may call it. One thing I can say after COVID and entering 2022 now the world feels extremely fake and as if we’re in another earth and now I hold on tightly to what feels real. It makes me wonder why our native ancestors disliked photography. They some how knew it wasn’t materialism or evolution but rather photography would be our greatest fall. Just in my imagination I can sense why they hated being photographed.